What I feel...

Lately I've been feeling something. I'm not really sure what. It could be anger, or frustration, but as far as I can tell, it's just me being stupid. I find some of the dumbest, or cliche, or saddest (in the sense of "that's just sad", or sweetest things. I have a terribly strong sense of want for romance, but no romance seems to want me. I keep reading stories and watching movies with incredible romance and LOVE. Now I'm not talking about the chick flick kinda romance. I'm talking about the only kind of romance that God the creator created for us to find and utilize. So that we can make the other person feel like they are the most special person in the world. But alas, I am not meant to enjoy this early in life. I do not believe in fate, but I believe that there is someone out there for me. By definition fate is the inevitable outcome of things to come. It is inevitable that God created the world. I'm not saying that there was no way out of creating human beings, but God wanted creatures that would love. Love him, love each other, love because they wanted to love, not because they had to. I know I will find that love, and that is fate. Fate, destiny, an inevitable outcome of human beings that were created for one purpose, to find love.

Who is the judge....

Lately i've been having some trouble with people who are ignorant, or judgemental, or people who just don't know how to get along. A couple months ago a friend of mine got a little drunk, he hadn't had much to drink before so this hit him a little hard. His life is not what he'd like it to be. His wife and kid left him, his license got suspended and he has no job. I really feel for him cause I like people and i don't like to see them sad, if i had a million dollars that's what i'd do. Help people like that. That's just the kind of person I am. Even if i didn't have a million dollars i'd help them out. As long as i had enough money to pay rent and i didn't owe anybody anything i wouldn't care about money, just give it away. Anyway, he got drunk, and we had planned this event for games and just getting together and having a fun time. He is they type to be happy drunk, now i could care less where he is as long as the person is ok. He was feeling really down, and some people randomly came over and started watching some movie in our house with us making noise and playing some card game. Even though we were there to begin with, we thought we'd quiet down and the drunk guy went outside, because people were talking about him and making him feel self-conscious. It was a little cold outside but we went out with him to make him feel better and cause we wanted to be genuinely nice. Then one of the guys inside our house seems to be very intolerant of other people. I don't know how he does it but he came outside and said something about his sister dropping him off to be babysat because he was intoxicated and we were outside babying him. That was just rude and I don't know how he thought it. I would just think he was having fun and it made him feel a little less because how his life was making him feel.
Where do people like come from. How can people even think like that. I don't get it. Why not just accept people for who they are. Who cares if they get a little crazy some times. God loves everyone so why should we start judging how other people act. That same guy that said that just the other day got stoned drunk and was practically just making out with a girl on my living room floor. I could've cared less but it made someone else feel a little awkward.
I know, i know, we have to act all (insert word i can't think of) around other people so that they think of us a certain way. Okay, now here is where i have an issue. Well actually i have to clerify, there are ways of acting to make everyone uncomfortable on purpose and there are ways that is just accidental. Accidentally tripping into a pool and getting your clothes ripped off and what happens after that with the whole being naked is slightly comical and embarrasing. But purposefully jumping in to a pool and then ripping your clothes off and running through a mall is an entirely different situation, one in which is cause for a intervention. Seriously who want to see that but the perverts and those that want to be brave enough to do something so stupid.
Life is about fun i agree, but why ruin it with a stupid remark like saying that the way someone dresses or acts makes them a (enter word that is appropriate). You could politely and privately tell them that something is a little off, but don't announce it in front of a whole group of people. That's just not cool.
I guess for me life is like a box of chocolates, or a bed of roses, or a field of daisies, or a rock face.
Cause every day brings something new, new challenges, new ways of thinking, new experiences, and new people. Well maybe not new people everyday, but you get the picture. It's a nice picture, i took it with my camera, you should see it, it's neat.
Whether you are or aren't enjoying your day, try to make someone's......

Reality

So it would seem that most of my thoughts sway toward the fact that I've been single most of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've had the chance, it's just that i wasn't interested in that person. I guess I could say that i'm not really trying because i'm shy, but that seems like an excuse. What is the real problem, i'm not sure. The heart wants to grow closer without the pain of rejection. I've had great friends that i wanted to take that next step with, but without the whole awkward part if they don't like you "that way". I've been in that zone, and my best friend was never the same, she didn't talk to me anymore or socialize with me the same way. Probably with the fear that i would think that it was going to lead somewhere. Which is probably true, but i still miss hanging out with her, making her laugh. That's what i want in a relationship, a true friend that can compliment me in a way no other can. She's out there; i just don't know where.

Who is she

Who is she
to me she is all
but she does not recognize who i truely am

She is who
the who that
makes me want to live
to succeed, eat, breathe

she is what drives me to never give up
to stand tall and face the world for what it is

she is my friend but to her that is all i am
with her by my side i could, would, find life
and find it complete
my thoughts may be wild and sporadic
but one thing i know is
she is there
she IS

Me

Who am I?
I am just a dot on a page
a tiny flicker of light

What can my single dot
my tiny flicker do

I am but a simple,
sane,
thoughtless,
zain,
plotless in a story filled with dreams

When will I make my mark
When will my dot end a sentence of acceptance
When will my flicker light the way for my future